A Father Leader’s Most Critical Test

Last week I had the privilege of being with a learning cohort of youth ministry leaders and guest teacher Marv Penner. Marv proved to be a master at under promising and over delivering. He did what he said he would do: provide us a deeper understanding of the lives of hurting teenagers.

What we didn’t anticipate was insight into what proves to be every leader’s most critical test: the choices we make around work and career and family relationships. Specifically, we are faced with choosing where (and to whom) our very best will be given. Andy Stanley has written a very helpful book on this called Choosing to Cheat: Who Wins When Family and Work Collide?

When Marv talked about what teenagers need from their parents (specifically fathers), a restlessness settled in the room. Teenagers need their fathers to be more relationally engaged with them than when they were children. What he said next set of a mild tremor. Because of this critical need in the most pivotal time of their son’s and daughter’s lives, father’s will need to “cheat” themselves and forgo that promotion, career upgrade or hobby in favor of giving more time, energy and ultimately, their best to their kids.

Jesus told his followers that the greatest expression of love was to lay down your life for another. “Life” is typically interpreted as meaning physical life. It also means the life we build. It is not easy to give that up, to step away from a successful career or say no to an irresistible opportunity for which we’ve worked hard. Yet the call of God to us is to lay down the life we’ve built and give the time, energy and interest we gave it to our teenage children so they can thrive.

What have you given up for the benefit of someone else?